Marriages that Tell God’s Story

 

As the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it. (Ephesians 5:24-25)

 

 

         

          The statistics are awfully disturbing: half of all marriages in the United States end in divorce.

          What’s more disturbing: it could be you. The number of divorces among professing Christians has risen steadily in recent years; soon, the church’s numbers will look just like those of the pagan world.

          And they should, because you and I in the church are living like the world.

 

          We in the PCA pride ourselves on not having women elders, because to do such would be unbiblical. Un-Westminsterian. Un-Reformed.

          So you and I do something sneakier and, possibly, more sinful: we men sit on our hands, even though we claim to be the official leaders in the church and in our homes, and let the women serve as elders and spiritual leaders in the church and in the home. “I work; Mama prays.” Mrs. leads; Mr. follows.

          This “approach” might seem liberated to modern Americans, but remember that the very first couple, Adam and Eve, tried it. It didn’t work too well, as you’ll recall.

          Husbands and wives, you and I have God-given roles to play within our homes. This order isn’t merely for the sake of order: it reflects God’s holy character, and it tells the story of God’s love to the church in sending Jesus, our Savior. This is Paul’s message in Ephesians 5:21-33.

          You and I need to repent of telling Adam and Eve’s story over and over and get to the business of telling God’s story of salvation in Jesus.

 

          First, observe that fulfilling your role in the relationships in your life reflects God’s holy character.

          In verse 21, St. Paul tells you and me that continual submission to others is a key component of living with holy carefulness (verse 15). In the various relations in your life, you have different roles to fulfill. Sometimes you’re another person’s equal in terms of authority structure; sometimes you are subordinate (such as to the government or to your employer); sometimes you are in authority over others. Of course, we all are created in the image of God, which means that all humans are of equal worth and value. In the living-out of daily life, though, each of you has several roles to fulfill.

          This order isn’t merely for the sake of expedience, however. It is intensely theological (we do so, Paul writes, “in the fear of God”) – because order reflects the very nature of the triune God.

          It is true that Father, Son and Holy Spirit are equal in divine essence, power and glory. All three Persons of the Trinity are equally God. But it’s also true that in the accomplishment of salvation, there is a distinct order within the Trinity. The Father willed the salvation of His elect from all eternity. The Son did not his own will but the will of the Father in earning our salvation by means of his cross. The Spirit came not to bear witness of Himself but of the Lord Jesus. The fact that the Persons of the Trinity have accomplished your salvation in this order doesn’t make one Person “better” or “more divine” than another; in fact, this salvation-producing, orderly work of the Trinity accrues all glory to God!

          Submitting to others isn’t fashionable anymore. The Greek word has undertones of “taking military orders,” but no one wants to take orders from anyone else. Even you and I as followers of Christ sinfully think we’ll lose something if we submit to those in authority over us (or if we serve others and not ourselves from our positions of authority).

          Not so. Living an orderly life and fulfilling your God-given role reflects the character of the one, true God, who created and redeemed you. Nothing could be more empowering!

 

          The apostle in verse 22 turns his attention to the various social situations in which you and I find ourselves, and he begins with marriage. He teaches here that if orderly living reflects God’s orderly character, then fulfilling your role in your marriage reflects God’s saving Gospel in Christ.

          In the home, St. Paul writes, wives represent the Church of our Lord Jesus Christ. You wives are to submit continually to your husbands “as unto the Lord,” because the Church is subject to Christ, who is her Head. Certainly what purports to be the Church has, in recent decades, rebelled against her Head (watering down the Gospel, ordaining women and generally rejecting the authority of the Scriptures, for instance). Yet it is folly to think that the Church can survive if she refuses to obey her Head. After all, if your head tells your rebellious hand not to touch the hot stove yet your hand refuses to obey, what will happen?

          Again, Paul is not saying here that men are better than women or that women don’t play an important role in the home. Quite the opposite: only Christianity affirms that men and women are created in the image of God and therefore have equal worth and equally vital roles to play in the home and in the church. He is saying that by voluntarily submitting to your husbands in every aspect of life, wives, you are showing us how the Church ought to conduct herself in everything.

          Is your husband known for making sometimes-unwise decisions about investments? Do you think you have a better idea how to structure family meal times? By all means offer your sanctified wisdom in these matters, wives. And if your husband commands you to sin or prohibits you from fulfilling God’s clear commandment, you are not bound to submit to him. In the end, though, your disagreement with him in non-sinful matters doesn’t give you license to go your own way.

          Wives, submit to your husbands in all things, just as the Church submits to Jesus, who saved us by giving his body for us. Don’t submit because he’s always correct or because he’s better than you; neither of those is true!

          Submit, because in this world of sinful rebellion against the Lord, we desperately need to see you honor the good Lord in everything.

 

          Husbands, you and I are to love our wives as Jesus loved the Church and gave himself for her. As commentators have observed, you and I aren’t told to rule over our wives; instead we’re told – repeatedly in this passage! – to love our wives, which involves Christ-empowered and Christ-like sacrifice.

          Jesus, Paul writes, is the Savior of his Body, the Church. He “gave himself” for her spiritual health and salvation, and remember that this self-giving was Jesus’ choice. No one took his life from him; he laid it down of his own will. The King of Glory came down into a world of hate, misery and pain to be rejected by men and, for a time, by his Father as he bore the sins of all believers on the tree. Jesus did this so that he might set his Church (all those who believe on him as Savior) apart as holy and sinless, which came about because he washed her with water (a reference to ancient bridal baths) by the preaching of the Word of the Gospel. And when you believe this true Word about what Jesus has accomplished in his life, death, burial and resurrection, you are credited with his spotless and blemish-less character and clothed in white – with his righteousness.

          Jesus sought the very best for his Bride, the Church. He gave his life for her purity and life. He loves the church with all he has, and if you think that groom was excited to see his bride enter the church at the last wedding you attended, you cannot imagine how excited Jesus is to draw us to himself at the Last Day.

          Jesus is united intimately with his Church; indeed, you and I are members of his very body – of his flesh and of his bones. What unity and intimacy! It is no surprise, then, that the Good Shepherd cherishes his Church and cares for her, providing for her exactly what she needs.

          Similarly, husbands and wives become one flesh when they marry – in accord with God’s original design. The Lord fashioned us to complement one another, and when we marry we unite in an intimate and mysterious way that may be called “one flesh.” Of course husbands and wives don’t lose their individual personalities; but they do cleave together in an intimate unity that defies total explanation. This means that when we husbands love our wives, we’re really loving ourselves (as the moral law requires).

You and I certainly don’t hate our own flesh unless we have a mental disorder. Most of us pamper and doctor our bodies, spending countless dollars on medicine, gym memberships, organic food – things that enhance our physical well-being. Men, if you love your own body so greatly, you must love your wife in the same way. You are, after all, one flesh.

 

What does it mean to love your wife as you love yourself? Providing for her financially? Sure. That’s absolutely true.

But remember, Jesus doesn’t just feed his Church physical bread. He gives her himself – the Bread of Heaven. He gave his all for our spiritual life. Loving your wives as Jesus loved his Bride, then, requires that you pray with her and for her. Show her how to live for Jesus’ glory. Have Bible study with her. Establish Sabbath-day worship as the top priority in your home. You say you don’t know how to pray with her or to teach her from the Scriptures? Then come to the men’s fellowship next Sunday morning, when I will lead you in a study of becoming a more-Godly man. And God makes this promise: the more you love your wife, the more she will respect you, and the better the two of you will tell God’s story of love to sinners in Christ.

In a world of shattered dreams and sin-induced depression, this is the story everyone needs to hear.